January 28th, 2017
The most difficult/painful (Beyond the fact that Film Making is my greatest passion) part of having to deal with Anxiety/PTSD in regards to determining the fate of my Web Series, is probably my Cast.
And what I mean by that is, I’ve assembled an initial Cast of exceptional People and Actors.
If I at some point determine that I can’t handle the stress brought on by not just the pressure of everyone relying on me (Which is only an issue because of the Anxiety/PTSD), but also the stress that seems to have arisen in regards to some sort of ‘Fear of Success’… Which has taken me totally by surprise.
Most of my life I have been driven passionately towards making Films, and yes from 2003-2015 I basically had to step away… But the passion/drive never left me, and so when the Anxiety/PTSD seemed to be doing better early 2016 (At which point I immediately started PreProduction of my Web Series), I never really thought twice (Well, maybe a few times) about how I would react emotionally if our Series was a hit.
From what I’ve read there is commonly a ‘Fear of Failure’, and a ‘Fear of Success’… Fortunately I’ve never had a Fear of Failure (I’ve been exposed to many that have, and they are truly anguished), but apparently I seem to have some amount of Fear of Success.
When I truly realized this was after we had an Excellent Rehearsal for what would have been our Film Shoot 2 on the Web Series… I was so impressed with the Actors, not only did I start to feel ‘responsible’ for maintaining their joy/happiness career/project wise, but I also started to panic a bit about getting attention for the Production.
I realize that many would love to succeed in any endeavor, and I imagine many don’t worry about how success will affect them, but I have come to learn that it is farely common to Fear Success.
Anyway, because of lack of funds (Because we hadn’t done our Crowd Funder yet), we had to hold off on Filming Film Shoot 2 towards the end of last year, but as luck would have it, The Holidays were also upon us… And thus I was given some time to step away from the Production for a couple months or so, which wasn’t all that easy, as I had a huge momentum going PreProduction wise, and Emotionally.
Nuff Said for this Entry
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