A difficult day…
My creativity, passion and drive towards storytelling, and/or film making, has really been fire within my blood lately.
Meanwhile, I was turned down for Permanent Disability (The only reason I’m applying for it, is because my 75 year old parents have been supporting me for the last 12 years because of my Anxiety/PTSD).
I know I could have applied for it a long time ago, but I always hoped I’d figure out a way to support myself…
That and it is a terrible blow at my self esteem to file for it.
But I’m trying to do the responsible thing.
Today I’m trying to find a Phlebotomist to come to my house to take blood, so my Internist will continue to fill my prescriptions.
Normally I’ve pushed myself to go to the Doctor’s Office, but this time, i’m just not ready to go out.
Losing my Uncle at the end of last year, just struck me pretty hard, coupled with all the stress related to PreProduction which, like I’ve said, was good stress, but stress none the less.
I’ve healed a lot since November, when I basically took a break from PreProduction, but still worked on gathering the components/info. I need to launch my Web Series Crowd Funder.
Today I find it hard to work on both figuring out a way to start trying to cover some of my own expenses, and find a Visual Effects Person for my Web Series.
Part of me’s like, “You shouldn’t be focusing on your art, you can’t even afford to support yourself…”.
But to me, you might as well dig yourself a grave and toss yourself in it if you stop doing what you love to try and catch up with the ‘practicalities’ of life.
Don’t get me wrong, I know we need to support ourselves, and if I could just go out and get a job, I would.
But at the moment, I can’t… I haven’t had a normal out of the house job since 2006.
Which ended basically because I had a massive anxiety attack while at a park, and couldn’t drive home.
Hard to work on your art, while your practical stuff is a struggle.
Thanks for listening/reading