“Never Tell Me The Odds…” – Han Solo “The Empire Strikes Back”
“To Thine Own Self Be True…” – Polonius “Hamlet”
I’m A Writer Filmmaker Living In Southern California.
I Suffer From PTSD, And/Or Anxiety
About
For the sake of Anonymity, I will go by the name Jade on this site.
I’m a Writer/Filmmaker.
It all started back in 1977 when I saw the First “Star Wars” Film, followed by “The Empire Strikes Back” in 1980.
From that point forward, I wanted to be a Filmmaker.
In 1999 I stepped away from a successful Corporate America job, and in 2000 bought my First Video Camera, and began making Experimental Films.
In early 2002 I Wrote/Directed/Edited and Acted in my First and only Short Film, and got it into a Film and Video Festival in New York.
In December 2002, after pursuing Film Making three years, I ended up in the hospital with a weak heart.
They implanted a Defibrillator to protect my heart, and 7 months later I was zapped 8 times in a 24 hour period, which threw me into a massive panic attack.
It ends up I was supposed to monitor the device so that they could adjust it as my heart healed.
The good news was my heart had healed, the bad news was it caused the defibrillator to go off a bunch of times which severely traumatized me.
From that day forward I’ve had to deal with Anxiety, which basically lead to Agoraphobia.
In July 2003 I returned to California to live with my family as I dealt with severe PTSD, including Night Terrors (Waking up screaming).
It was there that I shifted my focus from Film Making to Screenplay Writing.
At the beginning of 2004 I moved out of my families home to Northern California to live near my brother, and try to restart my life.
Sadly, after having two severe panic attacks up north, I moved back to my family home, where I decided I needed to stay for a while.
I continued Writing Screenplays, and even pursued finding a Writing Agent to no avail.
In 2005-06 I was able to leave the house enough to get a job, but after 6 months I had a severe panic attack, and was forced to resign.
From 2006-10 I hardly left the house, and spent most of my time playing World of Warcraft, watching Old Movies, and following The New York Yankees.
In 2010 I moved out, and lived away from home for a year and a half.
During that time I was able to go to dinner, movies and some stores, but still dealt with anxiety.
In the middle of 2011 I moved back home because of personal reasons, and began many Writing Blogs.
From 2011-2013 I focused on Writing Blog Series, Poems, Journalism, Novellas and Fantasy Novels.
In 2012 I Self Published my First Poetry Book, and First Novella.
In 2015 I Self Published my Second Novella in the series.
During this time I really didn’t leave the house.
In 2015 I decided to convert one of my 2002-2004 written for film Screenplays into a 16 Part Web Series, and went into PreProducuction, and started to go out of the house again, from March-October 2016.
I went out to eat, to see movies and went into certain stores.
However in late September one of my Uncles passed, and it hit me pretty hard.
Also, I was changing medicines which made me feel a lot better, but may have contributed to what ended up being a pretty bad anxiety attack at the end of October.
I was also stressed out in a good way about the Web Series Production.
It was going extremely well, but as we approached creating the Crowd Funder for it, I started to feel a lot of pressure.
The next thing I knew, I wasn’t leaving the house again.
Fortunately the Holidays came, so I had some time to chill out for a bit.
After 8 months of being home, I finally officially put the Web Series on hold.
During that 8 months I focused on Creative things that I’m passionate about, that were strictly for enjoyment.
But found myself wanting to Self Publish things related to that passion, and began to stress again.
From Aug-Dec 2017 I began researching, and working on ‘Healing Emotional Wounds’, but finally hit a point where I felt I needed to have someone to talk to, and potentially guide me in this healing process.
2018-May 2019, I played a lot of Dungeons & Dragons with my girlfriend, creating a lot of content for it along the way.
In November 2019, I Self Published my first Dungeons & Dragons Module
From 2019-2021 I began working on my second Dungeons & Dragons Module
In 2022 I became a Professional Dungeon Master (Run Dungeons & Dragons games for people), but took a blow from covid at the end of the year
Hoping to get back to working on my Module and Professional Dungeon Mastering again
Contact
If You Have Any Questions About Film Making, Writing, My Anxiety Or The Site, Shoot Me Your Info!
Journal Of A PTSD Filmmaker 